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That’s when… 07/09/2006

Posted by Ian Grant in Uncategorized.

Daytime telly rots your brain. It’s fantastic, of course: little else in life is as effortlessly and gently predictable, as pleasantly conservative. If daytime telly was a drink, it’d be a strawberry milkshake. And it’d be made from that cheap powdery stuff that leaves a load of luminous squidge at the bottom of the glass….which, as everyone knows, is the very best strawberry milkshake that there is. Spend an hour in front of Homes Under The Hammer – which probably deserves an entry all of its own in due course – and even the most cynical among us can surely not escape the comforting feeling that a fortune as a property developer awaits us…after Cash In The Attic has finished, anyway. It is a lovely thing indeed.

Part of the joy of daytime telly is that it imparts its sense of vague well-being without requiring any help from the brain whatever, and part of the daily routine of home-working involves the companionship of that inane gurgling. Of all the things that burble behind me while I’m working, there is an indisputable champion of cheap, sweet milkshakeness. That programme, god bless its mild-mannered soul, is Doctors. Its beauty is in metronomic, hypnotic repetition, minor variations on the same satisfying storyline on a daily basis. In the joyously simplistic world of Doctors, there is a cure for every ailment: communication. Every episode hinges upon a misunderstanding, every problem is solved via the peace-brokering involvement of one of the regular cast, every moral begins with “If only they’d talked to each other before it all got out of hand…” It is a soap opera that makes Neighbours seem a little bit left-field, a bit edgy and dangerous. It is the Keith Millen of the schedules. It is an utter triumph, if viewed on its own terms.

Of course, life isn’t like that. Nothing ever really resolves itself in half an hour, still less neatly and tidily and with a handy moral to carry around for future reference. That’s precisely why there’s joy to be found in escaping from all that chaos into a safe, ordered pretend world every now and again. And it’s also why this is a remarkable moment to be a Watford fan: three games into the new season, with enough evidence upon which to base predictions of ghastly failure and glorious triumph. Nothing neat and tidy about our world right now, nothing safe and predictable. Does anyone know what’s going to happen? Really?

Perhaps we could’ve done with the fixtures in a different order: the Manchester United game did dampen the spirits, with two idle weeks to contemplate being thoroughly out-classed. For the first time, it’s occurred to some people that Aidy’s bluster might be just that, nothing more substantial…especially with the failure to fill out the striking positions before the deadline. And yet…well, there’s the second half at Goodison, although we might do well not to gloss over the near-disastrous opening forty-five too readily. And there’s eighty-nine minutes of the game with West Ham, a thrilling demolition of a very decent side in front of a fulminating Rookery, only undone by that extra minute. Tantalising, that. A glimpse of the season that we might have…not only of the history that we might make, but of the riotous fun that we might have making it.

Me? I don’t know. For once, I don’t even think that I know. But I’ll tell you one thing: we should be bursting to find out….



1. furphysheroes - 08/09/2006

Jeremy Kyle is the King of Daytime TV, IMHO, and Judge Judy is its undisputed Queen.

Illness has meant that I have watched far too much recently but I have come to the conclusion that plenty of Season Tickets have been funded by appearances on Jeremy Kyle’s show.

All you have to do is consent to a lie-detector or a paternity test on air and it will fund your football habit for another season. Of course, Daytime TV may not pay as well as Premiership of the TV schedule – Prime-time – but it should be enough to bag you an ST or a Replica Shirt at worst.

Sod the Child Maintenance, man CAN live alone by Daytime TV!

2. Drive Through... - 08/09/2006


Good to see that Ig and Matt from BSaD have started up their new blog: BHaPPY. Already there are some great entries loosely based around Watford FC and football in general. I’m loving Ig’s ramblings on daytime TV, especially as I’m cu…

3. stuartcphillips - 08/09/2006

Has this comment worked? Am I the first? Do I get a free Banana to take to the Bolton game with me?? Very Interesting blogs these, maybe a detailed blog about Neighbours might complement the comments made about Doctors? Anyway too many questions, it’s good to see this blog up and running, onwards and upwards!

4. billyo - 12/09/2006

Ig, sounds to me like your daytime tv watching is starting too late. There is no finer start to the day than coffee, toast and King of The Hill. If feeling particularly energetic – or a large breakfast – start with Fraiser before that

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