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Wellington boot (fruit) at the pantomime dame (game)* 31/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Five-a-day Awaydays.
1 comment so far

No sign of any mango(e)s, but plenty of apples and pears to celebrate our unlikely win at the Boleyn….

Five-a-day legend Frances Lynn appears to be holding two apples. However, the BHaPPY judges have examined the entry in some detail and are satisfied that the item on the right is indeed a pear. No further action is required.

Hazel Cooper, adding to the five-a-day fun by sitting in front of someone who appears to be sucking a lemon. (Is that harsh? I’m not sure.)

Graham Cooper expressing the sheer joy of eating a pear. The apple had already been consumed, apparently. That’s the spirit. Try it with the potatoes tonight….

Wisely taking no chances, Ben Young appears to have arrived around midday to be sure of the perfect photo op. Good work, that man.

Dan York claims of his wares that ‘these are genuine east London fruit – purchased from the finest (and only) grocer on Prince Regent Lane E16, “Bubble and Squeak”‘. It’s not quite Mark Fowler’s fruit ‘n’ veg stall, but it’s a good effort nonetheless.

* Proof, if it were needed, that it takes more than a poxy English degree to get the hang of this rhyming slang business.


Potatoes, preferably mouldy, to Old Trafford 30/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Five-a-day Awaydays.

It was going to be a beetroot, but that might be a bit challenging within the timescale. Extra points if you manage it, though. Otherwise, your vegetable of choice is the humble potato, preferably one that’s been lurking in the back of the cupboard for a fair while. If in doubt, your local greengrocer will be able to oblige, I’m sure.

West Ham United 0 Watford 1 (30/01/2007) 30/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Match reports.

Given that both Matt and I were living it up overseas while the cup heroics were going on, it’s your turn. Let’s have your one-word match reports, please….

Watford 2 Blackburn Rovers 1 (23/01/2007) 25/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Match reports.

Now that I’ve remembered it, the one-word match report is…


As seen on TV! 24/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Five-a-day Awaydays.

Clearly, the five-a-day awayday is an idea whose time has finally come. Just ask “The Lovely” Adrian Chiles (but possibly not Alan Hansen, who seemed a little bitter about the whole thing, a simmering jealousy that may make Match of the Day 2 compelling viewing over the coming weeks). Anyway, BHaPPY salutes Villa Park’s fruit ‘n’ veg pioneers….

Never content to leave something half-done, Farzana Chaudry recreates the Celebrity Big Brother house in turnip form: Shilpa, with her arch-enemies Jo, Danielle and Jade, prior to her humiliating televised eviction. Yes, this is a strange dream and, no, you shouldn’t have eaten that cheese before you went to bed last night.

Somewhere in the distance, Don Fraser waves a turnip in the general direction of Frances Lynn.

Phil Harris assures us that no turnips were injured during the making of this photo. They were beaten senseless and lobbed into a bin afterwards, of course.

Having been refused admission with his turnip, Pat Considine managed to persuade the stewards to escort him into the ground for a pitchside photo opportunity, remove the produce from his person, escort him outside again, and let him back in through the turnstiles. Henceforth, The Pat Considine Gallantry Award will be given to anyone deemed to be going beyond the call of duty for the cause.

And here we see Pat with his turnip. Following some controversy over his choice of vegetable, Pat has successfully cleared his name by referring us to the turnip disambiguation page, thus proving that it was a turnip when it left Dublin but it turned into a swede somewhere over the Irish Sea.

Finally, Nick Corble and his son Ed present “A Turnip for the Book”. Yes, very good.

Mangoes Apples and pears to Upton Park 24/01/2007

Posted by Matt Rowson in Five-a-day Awaydays.

We’re getting a bit seasonal with this week’s selection… it’s in the high twenties outside, not a hint of rain for the last ten days, lazy relaxation the order of the day… so it has to be Mangoes for the weekend cup tie at West Ham.

What do you mean, it’s not sunny where you are? Do you think I care? After all the nonsense I’ve sat through this season, the boys wait until I’m in another continent to serve up another win…

I want to see pics of 2000 Mangoes in the away end, or I’ll want to know the reason why…

Aston Villa 2 Watford 0 (20/01/2007) 22/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Match reports.

That’ll be…


Turnips on telly 21/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Five-a-day Awaydays.

Heaven only knows how this’ll turn out, but it would appear that our five-a-day crusade will be featured on tonight’s edition of Match of the Day 2 (BBC1, 10.45pm). You can already picture Adrian Chiles’ face, I think. As, handily, neither Matt nor I were available for the shoot (we know all of the jargon, y’see) at Villa Park yesterday, we can’t be held in any way responsible if it turns out to be ever so slightly toe-curling. No, really, we can’t. No, stop it. No.

Turnips to Villa 18/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Five-a-day Awaydays.

Yes, it’s turnips. Of course. Photos of you and the Sun’s favourite root vegetable, please…but send them to me (ig at bsad.org) as Matt’s currently away from his desk at BHaPPY Towers, having popped out for a sandwich and ended up in Addis Ababa.

Watford 0 Liverpool 3 (13/01/2007) 14/01/2007

Posted by Ian Grant in Match reports.

And the postscript to Friday’s slightly ill-advised article is…