Watford 3 Sheffield United 0 (12/03/2011)

Five thunks from a bizarre afternoon at Vicarage Road…

1- Interpretation of the result will be distorted by the perspective introduced by two red cards in the first half (see below), but it shouldn’t be. It’s perfectly possible to make heavy weather of a numerical advantage, and on this occasion we did anything but, belying the number of kids on show (which was considerable, even if this was as experienced a line-up as we’ve been able to field of late). I’ve not seen the possession figures for the second half, but they’re likely to be dramatic; we kept the ball with admirable diligence and regularly had two or three men stretched to the opposite flank to enable the play to be switched at will. The scoreline could have been more emphatic, but job done frankly.

Nor should it be forgotten that there we were comfortably on top before the dramatic developments towards the end of the first half. The opening goal had owed something to fortune; Simonsen made a terrific save to keep his own defender’s header out, only to see the ball drop onto Danny Graham’s head. The United keeper was the one genuinely unfortunate member of the visiting side, since another fine save to a Thompson header in the second half would be unsympathetically punished by Martin Taylor. Ross Jenkins grabbed his first goal at the Vic with the goal of the game late on, a fine strong run and guided header.

But the real story of the first goal, and indeed the opening twenty minutes, was in the vulnerability of United’s centre-backs in the absence of injured Chris Morgan. We had clearly targeted this area, since every time we won possession in the first half we’d send the ball straight down their throats with lone striker Graham chasing gamely. These balls were often too rushed to be particularly precise, the emphasis clearly on exposing the defenders’ lack of alertness with a quick turnaround, but they still caused havoc. Lowry and Collins tottered around like two drunks left on the dancefloor at the end of the night after the music had stopped, occasionally colliding and seeming forever on the verge of falling over. No surprise that one of the two played such a key role in the opening goal.

Micky Adams suggested post-game that “we’ll never know whether Watford are any good or not”, a comment with some truth in it. Certainly any Ipswich scouts will have learned a limited amount. But whose fault was that, frankly? You can only beat the garbage tipped in front of you. Speaking of which…

2- No ignoring the key talking points any longer; the first half dismissals of the two ex-Orns in the United ranks. I haven’t seen Doris’ first booking again; from the far end of the pitch it looked harsh, but he’d just lost a physical coming together with Taylor, had appealed for a foul (not given), and thrown himself in his own distinctive style into the next aerial encounter in a bit of a strop.

At any rate, he can surely have no complaints. Having seen the incident again, I can believe that the exercise started out as a misjudged lunge at the ball. It proceeded via feet some way off the ground to a young full back prone on the pitch for five minutes before being stretchered off in an oxygen mask. Already on a yellow, he’s frankly fortunate that a straight red didn’t incur a longer ban. All of United’s threat departed with him; there can’t have been many visiting players sent off in such circumstances who have been applauded off by the home support. One suspects that the applause wouldn’t have been quite as generous after a replay of the challenge.

Lee Williamson was just bloody stupid. The referee had set himself an impossibly low bar with a harsh booking of Ross Jenkins after handbags with Williamson in the first five minutes; given this, and given the inflamed nature of procedings, to fly straight into a challenge leading with your forearm and poleaxe your opponent is just idiotic. He might have gotten away with a yellow, it’s true, but I can also see the argument that dangerous play is dangerous play and the fact that Doyley got up again relatively quickly was something that Williamson’s challenge hadn’t guaranteed. At any rate, a footballer completely devoid of intelligence is a danger to himself and others. Williamson made a very tall order impossible for the visiting side.

As a footnote, part of Watford’s achievement was in doing so little to give the referee the chance to even the score subsequently. Buckley got a “Van Persie booking”, that was it. Admittedly it’s easier to stay on the right side of the referee with 80% possession; nonetheless, very disciplined stuff from our boys.

3- I emailed a United-supporting friend before the game enquiring how a side who should surely be mid-table fodder at worst found themselves in such a position. His reply was grey and dispirited, a position entirely justified by the god-awful shambles that was the United side. We’ve already discussed the defence; actually the one commendable aspect of the United effort came after the dismissals, when they actually did a reasonable job of restricting Watford’s possession to the edge of the penalty area even if it did resemble a coconut shy.

But the midfield. Good god. When Lee Williamson, surely an all-rounder at best, represents all of your creativity you’re in trouble. Nick Montgomery, Mickey Doyle, Stephen Quinn and Williamson surely constitutes as close to midfield of cloned workhorses as the division has ever seen.

In the second half, with Watford about to mount yet another assault on United’s goal, Micky Adams sulkily kicked a stray ball onto the pitch to disrupt proceedings. That’s the behaviour of a (stupid) teenage substitute, not a manager. The Sheffield derby looks like returning to the calendar next season, then.

4- A(nother) word for Lee Hodson, victim of Henderson’s assault, who may have become the second young Hornet in a fortnight to have departed long term with injury. It speaks volumes that, just weeks after Hodson was amongst those attracting stick during our iffy run, he was retained at left-back whilst Lloyd Doyley initially returned on the right. And nobody was terribly surprised. His recent performances have displayed an application and depth of character that should stand him in good stead. The quicker he’s back, the better off we’ll be.

5- Our biggest stroke of luck yesterday, whatever blinkered perspective Adams might possess, was that we got the goal before the dismissals. It’s much, much easier to take advantage of a numerical superiority when you’ve already got the lead. As it was, as professional as we were in doing what had to be done, as utterly pathetic as United’s attempts to make a game of it were, there were still moans and groans in the Rookery as attacks hit the eight men that the visitors had behind the ball. I refuse to believe that quite so many Hornets had never watched a game of football before.

Fixture lists and holidays conspire to mean that I won’t be at another game before Leeds United in a month’s time. ig will hopefully thunk in the meantime; with this victory taking us over that 52 point target for safety that stopped feeling like an issue a week ago, anything from here on in is a bonus. Top half anonymity would be a great result, a pitch at the play-offs not out of the question but a long shot. Either way, a fantastic achievement for all concerned already.