Watermelons at Reading 09/05/2007

Despite a visible upping of security with a cordon of stewards guarding the away turnstiles, a number of idiots managed to beat the system with, um, some watermelons.

Oh, and we won.  Hurrah.

Nick Gibb leaves it late to make a stylish five-a-day debut.  Extra marks for smuggling TWO of the bloody things into the ground, only slightly tarnished by having his picture taken in an empty stadium.  Not empty enough for his idiocy to go completely unnoticed, mind, although not by stewards – Gibb sr’s rehearsed line concerning his son’s medical condition demanding regular intake of said fruit proved unnecessary.  Labels read “New Season”, which sounds about right.

Five-a-day veterans Nick and Ed Corble.  “Hard negotiation” with steward required here.  Sign over Ed’s right shoulder warns of Flying Footballs.  No mention of large, unripe fruit.

Jeff Bartrop, who also sent his previously unpublished backcatalogue featuring sprouts at Fulham, oranges at Anfield and chillies at Charlton amongst others, which might have been more useful at the time…

Don Fraser, dreaming of pre-season matches in some field in Devon already.  The fruit was “disposed of” before departure… one of the odder stories of the campaign is probably the trail of cleaners at various prem grounds finding random fruit and veg discarded in the disabled facilities…

Frances Lynn, a reliable contributor all season, fails at the last with a Galia melon of all things.   It may be M&S Organic, but it ain’t a watermelon.  Why on earth would you want to bring a Galia melon to a football match?  Sheesh…

Yours truly, at the end of a rather odd road.  Bit disappointed with this specimen, but it was the largest Sainsburys had…

Vote Fraser! 07/05/2007

Those of you who know him should need no more urging; those of you who don’t should start by referring to the countless photos of a distant figure clutching a plastic bag of vegetables during yet another forlorn away trip, just a minor footnote in the endless list of the man’s contributions to our football club. For the sake of all humanity, vote Don Fraser in the 606 Barclays Fan of the Season Awards. Thank you.

Watermelons to Reading 01/05/2007

Correctly called by two punters late last week, “Watermelons to Reading” was always going to be the big finish.  My co-editor has, conveniently, wussed out again, but are you, unlike him, up to this largest of challenges?  Slices, as has been suggested, are a cop-out…

 (This is obviously a bit of a mission, but should provide some entertainment.  After all, you can’t be going for the bloody football…)

Butternut Squash at Sheffield United 30/04/2007

A timely reminder of what welcomes us next season on the pitch; off it, the stakes are upped slightly as we near the finishing line in the five-a-day mission. Four individuals smuggled their wares in, which on consideration is as high a ratio of the away support as we’ve had all season.

It’ll take more than relegation, a scrappy mess of a game and a large vegetable to dampen Don Fraser’s spirit.

Flora Nelson, looking forward to local trips to Scunny, Barnsley and Hull next season.

Jeff Bartrop, whose veg can choose a row all of its own.

Yours truly. “I’ll get you at Sheffield” wasn’t it, Messenger? All mouth and no trousers, as ever.

Butternut Squash to Bramall Lane 24/04/2007

Oh yes.

Ginger at Blackburn 20/04/2007

An understandably lower uptake at Ewood Park than the weekend, but two stalwarts didn’t let us down (even if affairs on the pitch did).

Fran’s specimen.  Not sure why it’s growing out of her temple.

The ubiquitous Mr.Fraser, who has this season “discovered areas of Tescos that he never knew existed”.

Carrots at Villa Park 17/04/2007

Still, wasn’t that goal celebration marvellous, eh?  Here are some people with carrots…

Ralph Buckland and Steve Reader sharing that carrot moment.

Mark Baker displays a fine specimen.  Behind him, looks like Man United haven’t sold all their tickets.  Tut tut.

Mark’s sons Chris and Dominic.  There are all sorts of impolite comments one could make about how Chris is holding his carrot, but I don’t know Chris and therefore don’t feel able to make them…

Don Fraser, from a distance.  He’s the one in the wig.  A couple of United fans rightly concerned at where he might stick that carrot if they give it large later.

Frances Lynn, yellow ribbons dutifully worn.

Jeff Bartrop… may have forgotten about his carrot until everyone else was leaving, but at least he brought the right vegetable this time.

Ed Corble and 5-a-day-awayday debutant Steve Mitchell.

Ian Grant.  An indie shot.  With carrots.

Yours truly.  Messenger, that’s as good as you’re going to get. 

Ginger to Blackburn 17/04/2007

We tried to think of something that signified after-the-lord-mayor’s-showness, and failed.  We also tried to think of something with 10,000 holes in it, but failed.   So we bring you ginger, which is neither a fruit nor a vegetable but a rhizome (watch us not care – whose blog is this anyway?)… simply because I’ve wanted to include it for a while and we’re kinda running out of games…

The return of the humble-but-mighty carrot 12/04/2007

Dear Dearest Reader,

As you will be aware,  our fortunes on the road during this season have not been what the young folk appear to refer to as “all that”. You may also have noticed that this Saturday’s opponents seem to have hit some form again, after briefly raising our hopes by forgetting to tell Rio Ferdinand to leave his iPod behind before taking the field at Fratton Park.

With that in mind, we feel that it’s appropriate to reprise the most successful of our five-a-day awaydays: the humble-but-mighty carrot saw us to an equally humble-but-mighty victory at Upton Park back in February. Maybe, just maybe, it can do the trick again. We’re not making any promises, of course, but we cannot turn our backs on anything that might help.

Make it happen, people.

Love and kisses,

ig and Matt.

Aubergines at the Riverside 09/04/2007

Fine memories of our last trip to the Riverside notwithstanding, I really didn’t expect a huge uptake with the aubergines.  I didn’t count on these hardy folk…

Flora Nelson promises not to take any fruit or veg to future away games, as the policy clearly “doesn’t work”.  Flora and father David managed to resist the understandable urge to pelt our defenders with their wares, though.

Don Fraser maintaining his commitment not to come into direct contact with vegetables.

Frances Lynn explains that she would have looked a bit more cheerful had she realised that the aubergine pic would be the highlight of the afternoon.

Jeff Bartrop.  Yes, that’s an avocado.  Words fail me…